You're Not Crazy, You're Sleep Deprived.

When I was in the final days of my first pregnancy, I thought, “I can handle being tired! At least once the baby’s born I can drink more than 6oz of coffee a day.” Fast forward to a few weeks after the baby was born and I was Googling, “Can you die from lack of sleep?”

I imagined sleep deprivation feeling like being really, really tired. I imagined yawning and stretching and looking forward to bed. The actual symptoms of sleep deprivation floored me. Being sleep deprived made me jittery, shaky, anxious, sad, confused, hungry, cold, overwhelmed, and, ironically, gave me insomnia. I forgot words. It amplified my social anxiety. There was no amount of coffee in the world that could make me feel anything close to normal. I felt like I was dying. I wondered if I had MS or a brain tumor.

I didn’t die. I survived and even decided to have another baby eventually. The second baby let me sleep more than the first, but there were (and are) still days when these feelings come flooding back.

Sleep deprivation symptoms:

• Changes in mood. Sleep deprivation makes new parents more susceptible to perinatal mood disorders.
   

• Decreased cognitive and motor function. A study suggests that people who haven’t slept for 18 hours have the same capacity as someone with a blood alcohol level of 0.1%.

• Metabolic and endocrine problems. Wondering why you feel so physically "off" when you're tired? Sleep deprivation can make you feel hungry and cold, among other things.

• Weakened immune system. 

• Insomnia. When your circadian rhythm is constantly disrupted it can make it hard to sleep, even when you’re exhausted and have time to do so.

So… what can be done?

• Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that a lot of what you’re feeling is sleep deprivation. Things will get better with time, and there are small changes you can make to help improvements happen more quickly.

• Help yourself get more sleep. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Take supplements like melatonin or magnesium. (Always check with your care provider first, especially if you’re breastfeeding!) Go outside during the daylight hours each day, and get a little exercise if you’re up for it.

• Help your baby get more sleep. Make sure you have a consistent bedtime routine. Work toward getting them on a regular schedule throughout the day. You may want to read a book about baby sleep habits, or contact a sleep consultant.

• Ask for help. Your friends and family want to help you. If you are uncomfortable asking, or feel like you need more comprehensive support, reach out to a postpartum doula.

SOURCES:
Sleep Deprivation: The Dark Side of Parenting by Alice Callahan (The Science of Mom)
The Walking Dead by Maria Konnikova (The New Yorker)
Yes, Your Sleep Schedule Is Making You Sick by Richard A. Friedman (The New York Times)

The stars appear each night in the sky. All is well.

What's a Postpartum Doula?

It is only in recent history that women and their partners have begun leaving their homes to give birth. They then return home days later to begin caring for their newborn and themselves, often completely alone. As a society we no longer live with or near immediate family. Friends may be able to drop off a meal or two but they are busy and spouses return to work days or maybe a couple of weeks after the baby is born. Where does this leave the new mother, who is often recovering from a challenging labor or cesarean delivery? And is learning to feed and nurture a new human? And is sleep deprived, hungry, and dehydrated? And is overwhelmed by the simplest tasks such as using the bathroom, showering, eating, and doing laundry? And is experiencing hormonal, physical, and existential shifts like she has never faced before?

This is where the postpartum doula comes in. Like a birth doula, a postpartum doula's primary goal is to provide physical and emotional support to the new mother and family. The doula's exact role will be unique to each client/doula relationship: she may cook and clean, care for siblings and pets, help with breast or bottle feeding, and/or offer words of advice, encouragement, and comfort. She might care for the baby while the new family rests, showers, or goes for a walk. Some postpartum doulas will stay overnight in your home to care for the baby in between feedings.

It's hard to understand how valuable this service is until you're home with your baby. Ask anyone you know with kids if they would have wanted a postpartum doula. I know I would have!

Find out more about my professional, compassionate, and unbiased support for mothers before, during, and after birth. 

The stars appear each night in the sky. All is well.

A Partner's Perspective: how a doula made labor a magical experience

By Alex Birdsall

It's hard to tell the story of my second child's birth without telling the story of our first.

We hoped for a natural birth with our first son and got almost everything else. We knew not to be starry-eyed about the process of labor and delivery; that nothing is a given and everything can change in an instant. At nearly 42 weeks, we were induced and, with the help of midwives, nurses and a doula, over 48 hours of labor and 5 hours of pushing, delivered a healthy baby boy.

As our second son’s birth approached we hoped again for a natural labor and delivery. As his due date came and went, we began making our peace with the prospect of another induction until contractions started one night. They were strong enough for us to get excited, but it took another day before early labor had begun in earnest.

Grandparents picked up our elder son and our doula came to our house. We turned lights down, built a fire in the woodstove and put James Taylor on the stereo. We walked and rocked and talked between contractions. It was just as we had imagined it. This early labor was unremarkable and we were grateful for it, even as my wife toiled through each contraction. When those contractions were about 5 minutes apart we made our way to the hospital to find our midwives.

The tub room where we had given birth to our first son was occupied by another birthing mother so we settled into an adjacent room. The midwife and nursing staff had their hands full next door, leaving the three of us to pick up where we left off: working together through each breath of each contraction, resting between and repeating the cycle again. In spite of the increasing intensity of the labor and the approaching transition to pushing and delivery, we recreated the peaceful calm of our living room at home there in the birthing room.

My wife delivered our son shortly after daybreak the next morning without the aid of medication or pain relief. He weighed more than 10 pounds, to the surprise of all present. Reflecting on that labor and birth over a year later, the magic we felt hasn’t faded at all. We attribute much of  it to having had a doula. As the partner, I was able to rest when I needed it, to stay fed, focused and positive. It was a straightforward labor, but without our doula it would have been an entirely different, and less magical experience.