Standing At The Window — Emlen Family Doula

Standing At The Window
by Kate Macko

My daughter wakes up from dreams
Telling me to slow down, telling me

I’m going too fast and she can’t keep up.
She has dreams that I’m leaving her behind.

I’m right here, I tell her, I’m not going anywhere,
Straightening her blankets, kissing her forehead.

In truth, I am partly longing to get away, to leave
Her needs and find time for myself; distracted, I search

Calendars and moments and parts of our house
For a place to be alone. Heading for school in the morning,

My husband and daughter drive away while I get ready for work.
Standing at the window, I watch them go and feel myself

Unfurling inside, free and unmonitored – my deep need
For privacy in the midst of a family finally met momentarily.

Am I different when they are gone, more myself, substantial?
I miss them before they even leave the driveway.